it’s january 1st. why can’t i stop? i want to so bad. i even told my mom to keep them so i wouldn’t take as much as i usually do. i just went into her room and got a 15mg and took it. she told me to just take the rest bc im not gonna stop. she doesn’t think i can quit. i don’t think i can either. i’m so scared. i want to stop. i don’t know how. why did i ever try them? i hate myself so much for buying them because i was told they were “just like a percocet”. am i that weak minded i really can’t stop taking something that is slowly killing me? i have panic attacks about what they are doing to my body every night. i don’t feel like myself anymore. i just want to feel normal again. please god, just let me feel normal again. please. i’m tired of making my mom worry about me. all she does is worry and i am making it worse for her. i hate myself for putting her through this. i love her so much. i just want her to go one day without having any worries. i wish i could just lock myself up in my room and suffer through the withdrawals but i am so so scared. i dont know why i am so scared, i went to rehab for xanax and alcohol. how come i could go through that but not this? is it all in my head?. i swear as i get older my anxiety get worse. i am 23 years old, i shouldn’t feel like this. i just want to go back to feeling like my self again. please, god, just let me feel like i was 6 months ago. i am about to go to sleep. i feel the high a little bit. i know when i wake up i will be craving more. or maybe that’s just in my head like my mom says. but i am going to try not to take any in the morning. if i make it through the morning without any, i will just take a little piece in the evening before i go to work. if i go. i want to call out so bad, i just wanna crawl under the covers and stay in my room and not come out until i feel normal again, i honestly don’t care how long that takes. as long as my mom is happy and no longer worried about me.