It will never EVER be your fault that you can't "get over" what has happened to you...While I can'tttt exactly hypothesise on what you're referring to,, but I have my bets on the fact that this guy crossed a physical or emotional boundary with you, I think physically from what I can tell :( you're clearly unhesitant n uncomfortable w this, if he managed to "convince" you then you never had your heart set on it. He persisted until you gave in. That's not respectful of him or your consent,,, that's not right. Sometimes it's the ppl you trust, those who believe wouldn't harm you,, are the ones that hurt you the most,, I don't think he had much regard for you, only what you could give. It's hard to tell w ppl ,, only then for them to be a source of your pain. You have every right to never forgive him if this was something truly serious n left a deep scar on you. Every right to cut this man off,,,feel betrayed,, n live your best life without him. You never deserved that. I hope you have a very very very lovely day n I hope everything gets better soon !!