i’m so scared of being seen even tho it’s the only thing that I truly crave. i have zero selfies, not a single pic of me, no pfp or posts on any of my socials, i never leave a comment on any video; i’m terrified of being perceived or acknowledged even by complete strangers on my damn phone. i almost never leave home except for school, it’s been like this for the longest i can remember, Im never the first to dm or initiate a chat w anyone not online nor irl. i also wait on a follow request till i make sure it wasn’t by accident and then i accept it lol i’m always ALWAYS scared of taking up space, speaking up, being even remotely visible to people. i don’t wanna bother or annoy anyone. i know i cant keep hiding from the world then proceed to complain about being invisible. i feel pathetic for writing this but i js wanted to get if off my chest. i dont journal at all, you can tell from my poor writing skills and how bad i am at self expression lol; bc everytime i try to write perfectionism kicks in. i’m not pretty at all, untalented, unathletic, unproductive, not special or niche in any way. but i do think im intellectual, after all this is all ive ever been; doing good at school and being a nerd. my family loves me so much but i can get mean towards them at times. And catching myself being this bitchy around the only people who give me love makes me feel even worse. i’m so lonely, I fall into deep limerence episodes where i obsess over ppl who don’t know me at all lmao and it’s humiliating and embarrassing but it’s become an addiction. i feel like a creep and a loser all the time. i feel horrible. i dont think anyones gonna read this, and if anyone does im sorry for waisting your time and cringing you. im really sorry.