I kinda just gave up after we stopped talking, i'm ashamed to admit it. I spent my entire life trying to happy, and it was never easy. I finally got to point where i thought i was "happy" and then i met you.. and experienced true happiness for the for the first time. Nothing else mattered around you, everything just faded away. All the bullshit and trauma, the thoughts that have thoughts themselves and run rampant day and night, it all just stopped. I enjoyed doing anything and everything because you filled all the holes in my heart i didn't even know were there. I hate myself for messing my life up, and yours. I'm good at a lot of other things but I've mastered self destruction. I just miss you, i miss being happy, life just has no meaning. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, but I'm tired of working so hard for mediocre joy.