Feeling selfish when feeling sad is the most selfless thing you could do. I won’t say I understand you because I’ll never be able to walk in your shoes, but I say I will understand your actions and situation. To be loved and to be seen is maybe more than enough than to excel and move on. Maybe to be loved and to be seen, to be encouraged and heard is the thing that will help you move on. If the chests to heavy, drop some coins and let the relief fall. I hope you know I’m proud of you, and even tho I’m a stranger, you’re still a human and I believe humanity was made for kindness and encouragement.